Why Libya?

Not believing indefinitely in a higher power, life seems so random.  One action can change your life forever.  Would Hitler be Hitler if he was accepted into an art academy?  And what about small things?  I believe that everything from the mundane to the exciting influences us to the point that we are not who we are if one thing is taken away.

Would you be the same person if you were born in a different city?  Would you even be alive if two people have not met and loved?  Maybe life is so random that destiny changes from one moment to the next.

I feel everything leading up to now is telling me to go to Libya.  If my parents hadn't moved from Piedmont right after my sister graduated, I feel my life would be a million times different either for the better or for the worse.  I learned recently Max Pelta died because of a heroin overdose.  If one even one thing changed that day, maybe he would still be alive. Maybe if I hadn't moved from Piedmont, he would not have overdosed by default...

If there is no God, no destiny and everything is random, then perhaps it's not how long I live, but what I do with my life that defines me...  How would living a life, starting a family and growing old be different for me than for someone else?  Are we all following the same paper chase to be considered "normal"?  And what about beyond education?  Beyond marriage?  It seems all our lives have the same plot points.  We are born, we go to school, we marry, have children and die.  Is this the cycle of our species?

And what about citizenship?  Would growing up in a different country redefine who you are and what your dreams would be, but in the end, still be similar as we are all human?

And war...  Should the world stand idly be and pretend to care about genocide because they don't want to get involved and send their own sons and daughters off to war, and knowing full well there will be deaths?

Under utilitarianism, we strive for the greater good and purge the bad out of our consciousness.  It feels like every bad thing in my life has prepared me for this one event... It does not bother me when most everyone from an American militia message board tells me not to go and that if I do, I will die.

Whatever it is (destiny, greater calling, God, moral responsibility, greed, desire, romanticism, belief, conviction, etc.) it feels like the objective for my life is for one thing and one thing only: Libya.

I just hope I find what I'm looking for when my passport arrives.

Differences of Opinion...

Most of the people on a certain American Militia forum has told me that if I go, I will die.  I understand where they are coming from, however my greatest fear is not death, but the method of dying.  I am not on a suicidal mission.  I am on a documentary filmmaking mission.  And sometimes to get ahead of the already established pack, one needs to take risks.

While I will take advice under consideration, I will not be hindered.  People really die all the time around the world.  Some from starvation, some from diseases and some from war.  I'm just another person who has a dream.  It may not be the typical "American dream" but it's still a dream.

I am going to go.  I will be careful.  I will return back home.  End of story.

Seeking US Militias Help

Today, I have contacted a few militias.  I hope at least one will take me in as an independent video journalist who does not spin a story for sensationalism.  I will tell it as it is and let the footage let the viewer decide.

If I am so lucky as to get even one response, this will prepare me for Libya and increase my chances of survival.  For some reason perhaps bad apple militias have given the term militia a bad name.  I am unbiased and will show what it truly is and not dictate a story for sensationalism.  Perhaps at least one militia will take me in, and I will be greatly thankful if that happens.

The Mexican Connection

I'm thinking about going near the Mexican border in the meantime while I await my passport and flight plans.  This will give me good experience, and I don't doubt this experience won't help me in Libya.

I understand Mexico and some spillover of violence is rampant down south, but in any combat zone such as Libya, you are always putting yourself at risk.  Some days it is higher than others, and some days it is more mellow.

If I go to Mexico, I suppose I will make a short documentary about the Mexican drug trade.  Stealth will play a factor because in Mexico, even the police officers are either payed off or are scared shitless of the brutal cartels.  In addition, I don't believe locals will talk to me much due to their safety concerns.

One example of the cartel violence and constant threat of death led to a young female police chief to abandon her duty as a police officer.  I believe she may have gone to the United States seeking political asylum.  Not to be cynical, but I do believe she knew what she was getting into being the youngest female police chief in the history of Mexico.

From a personal perspective, I do not think that it is ok for drug cartels to operate with no conscious whatsoever.  If the illegal drug trade produces billions a year, perhaps it is time to step up the pressure and negotiate a way to curb and control the violence over their so it doesn't spill over on American soil.

Say, why don't we suspend NAFTA and only allow Mexico to seek help militarily in terms of weapons and protective gear to the officers that can be trusted.  It may be a drastic thing to do, but the amount of brutal violence must stop.

Stocking up for Survival

In terms of camera equipment, I have the Panasonic AG-HMC40 which runs well with a single large battery.  Perhaps as the date nears, I will be buying much more, and also SDHC cards as well.  I am also expecting to get the Steadicam Zephyr on Friday.  Perhaps having more fluid shots will allow more content to be usable instead of being harder to see what's going on.

Aside from camera equipment, I have ordered a paintball pistol which can shoot .43 paintballs or .43 rubber ammo.  This will help me in case it is a do or die situation.  Like the UN rule of not firing unless firing back, that is a motto I am thinking of adopting.  The reason is that I am not an aspiring warrior but a journalist who goes into danger zones where not many people will want to go.

I have also ordered a device which will hopefully allow me to learn or use it to communicate with rebels who do not speak English.  If the device is very helpful, then it will justify the just under $800 price.  If it is poor, I may decide to return it.

In addition, I also ordered a pair of night vision goggles which may help me and the people who are "friends" avoid ambushes or other surprise attacks.  It can also be used as a scouting device at night.  I also ordered a few other things that could help me or the rebel squad I hope to embedded with.

I do not doubt the dictator of Libya has more advanced technology.  But remember this is a civilian revolution.  These civilians are simply pissed off at the amount of abuse and corruption that they can take no more.  While I do not encourage violence, I am smart enough to understand not everything can be done peacefully.  People will die, and if I should meet such a fate, then I am ok with that because everyone's life needs a meaning.  I think I found mine after so much idleness.  I am 25 and with no accomplishments.  Hopefully my involvement will help spread democracy.  Also, I wouldn't mind coming out of the conflict alive and well.  Only time will tell.

Passport into Hell

A lot of injustice is going on in the Middle East where the people's basic human rights are ignored by the dictating government.  Today, I applied for my first passport, and soon I will travel to the Middle East and document the good and the bad of war.  While, there is little good that comes to mind, perhaps the spirit of a free country where one can say what they want, have representation in government and not have to be subjects of major corruption.

In all wars, I do believe there are some altruistic elements.  Mostly, the bad overshadows the good.  Most of us never experienced a war in our own land, but others have.  I will document the war in Libya as it is an important event and only history will tell if it will be worth it.

I hope to get my passport in the following weeks, and prepare myself to be able to document this important event.  It may be raw and too real, but in war, nothing is censored.  Let freedom ring.